Calvin

So, as I mentioned before, Calvin has autism. We found out about this when my mom came to visit. She is a registered nurse with nearly 40 years experience. Calvin was one and a half years old at the time, and he was not walking yet and had no words. She observed him for about a month and then decided to break the news of her suspicion that Calvin had autism.

That was a very difficult time for us. Calvin is such a normal looking child and so strong. We could not believe that he had a problem as severe as autism. Heck, we didn't even know what autism was at the time. So, by the time Calvin turned 2 years old, he had seen several doctors, therapists, etc. and the conclusion was that he indeed was autistic.

So, then came the time to decide what to do. My wife poured over books and articles. I spoke with everyone I knew about this, and I was surprised on how many people knew someone with autism. I made phone calls, sent my wife a ton of emails with links to articles, and she spoke with many other moms who had autistic children as well.

We basically boiled down our options for Calvin's therapy to ABA (applied behavioral analysis) and RDI (relationship development intervention). ABA was intensive and requires literally dozens of hours each week of therapy. The therapists charge what you would think therapists charge, which is way too much for us to afford. I remember thinking, "Even if we sell our home, our cars and take all our money out, we can maybe afford to do this therapy for a year."

We watched videos of ABA therapy sessions. They seemed very regulated and we could see how it would help center a child with autism and help them learn. We even spoke with parents who swore that ABA saved their children's lives. We just could not afford to do it. The Early Intervention program in Oregon allowed us a couple of hours a week, but the ABA books said that you needed at least 6 to 8 hours a day to make the therapy work.

About the time that Calvin started in the Early Intervention program, he must have been 2 and a half, we heard from a friend of a new therapy called RDI. We went to a meeting that was attended by many teachers, therapists who were all basically professionals. Out of the 20 professionals there, we were the only "normal" parents. So, much of the information was over our heads, but we could see the point of this new therapy. Let me explain.

ABA is regulated positive reinforcement that works with a child in a class-like setting. You teach your child vocabulary and how to follow commands by rewarding them when they follow what you are doing. It is very structured. It works with an autistic child's strengths and builds on those. Yet, the main problem that autistic people have is working outside of a regulated environment and dealing with the dynamic world. The most difficult dynamic to understand in this world is relationships with other people.

RDI works on a very dynamic platform. You learn to use relationships to cause your child not to fear new situations. You show your child that relationships can be fun and that emotions are to be shared. So, you basically take small steps to help your child want a relationship with you and others. Rather than working on many of the things that will eventually develop naturally in your child's understanding (reading, following instructions, etc.), you work on helping your child relate to others.

So, while ABA works with your child's strengths (i.e. a static, structured environment with objects, numbers and words), RDI works to strengthen your child's weakest area (relationships, new situations, the dynamic world we live in.) Nearly all autistic children grow up and never marry or have children. This is due to the fact that they are good with understanding information, but they cannot understand relationships.

So, we chose RDI. Our therapist is Barb Avila, and her website is www.therapysolutionsforkids.com . She is the only RDI certified therapist in Oregon at this point. She has been really helpful.

The main difficulty with RDI is that you have to act as the therapist. Thank God that Luiza has the ability to learn tons of information and take all of this in and make it applicable on a daily level. We do feel lost, quite often actually, on what to do next with our son. Some days, he seems normal, and other days he is exasperatingly autistic in his behavior.

Still, whenever we get depressed or when we begin to wallow in self-pity, we find out about someone else whose life is even worse off than ours. A friend with terminal cancer, a friend who is going through divorce, a friend whose child recently died of cancer... the list can go on and on. It is on those days that we open up our Bibles, pray and thank God that our son is healthy in every other way. He can run, jump and even recently he has learned some words. He now is even starting to try to put several words together.

Having just turned 4, it is easy to compare Calvin with typical 4 year olds. They have complete conversations with their parents. They sit in Sunday school class and pay attention. They understand the simple orders like "wait" or "not now." They get excited when you give them news about something that is going to happen. They look at you every time you enter the room to see if you are happy, sad, angry or whatever. They know from this glance that everything is all right or not.

So, it is when we see typical 4 year olds that we desperately try to keep things in perspective with Calvin. 2 years ago, Calvin was not even walking. He is very strong and athletic now. 6 months ago, we doubted that Calvin would speak by the time he turned 5. He now speaks and has a decent vocabulary (maybe like a 2 to 3 year old typical child). We have learned to focus on the positive and not concentrate on the negative. About 3 to 5 days a month we lose this focus and get depressed. But, when I'm down, Luiza is up. When she's down, I'm strong for her. So, the only bad days are when we both feel down and blue. Those are the days that not much gets done and we are pretty much hating life.

So, we'll see what comes of all our work. Calvin is doing pretty well, but we want to see "macro-level" changes instead of these "micro-level" changes.